In every dancin’ boy’s life (and girl’s life) there comes a point when it’s time to say goodbye to the current studio. It’s never easy, but the change must be made if your son is going to progress.
How do you know if that time has arrived? Here are a few signs to watch for.
- Your son is in the top level, or the second-to-top level in any particular style. This indicates that pretty soon he will have no way to continue moving up. He’s outgrown the studio.
- The teachers don’t correct him. If your son complains that he never receives corrections, or, when asked about this, the teachers say he is “doing so well” that they can find “little fault in his dance technique,” it’s time to start studio hunting. Good dance teachers—those with high levels of ability themselves—always can find something to correct. They always see large and small issues in technique that need fixing—or they will tell you it’s time to find another teacher.
- Your son feels bored or loses interest. If he still loves dance and says he is serious about it, this always indicates a problem.
- The studio owner refuses to speak with you about other options for your son. When a studio owner is unwilling to even entertain the possibility that your son might benefit from a summer intensive, an outside class, a private lesson, or some other technique, that typically means they are invested in the money, the credit or something that has little to do with the best interest of your son and his dance development. Time to find a new dance home.
- Your intuition says he’s just not getting what he needs. You’d be amazed at how smart you are about the dance needs of your son—even if you know nothing about dance. Follow your gut.
- Your son says he thinks maybe he needs a different class, a new teacher, an additional lesson, some extra instruction, etc. Dancin’ boys tend to know what is in their best interest. They just don’t always want to come out and say it, because they don’t want to hurt their teachers’ feelings or leave their friends behind. So they might ask in a round-about manner. Keep your ears open…
- Your son says he thinks he might need a different studio. This is a no brainer.
- You take him to a dance professional, a convention or a summer intensive and objective experts tell you he needs some different training. Listen. Take this to heart, especially if they don’t just want to take your money. If they do, seek out someone more objective from whom to get advice.
- When asked, your son admits he thinks it’s time to change studios. Your son is full of wisdom. Again, he may not want to leave his current studio, but when asked about it, he will probably be able to tell you if he thinks it’s a good idea.
- The teachers don’t treat him or you well. Again, this is a no brainer. If you feel those in charge don’t give you and your son the respect you deserve, the are hard to approach or to get answers from, aren’t giving him confidence, boosting his sense of self-worth and helping him develop stage presence, it’s time to get out of there…fast. The studio should be a positive experience. No crying in hallways (or not often), no feeling like he is not good enough (on a regular basis), no being told he is stupid, lacking in talent, an oaf, or anything like that, and you should feel you have someone to help you as you support him.
Last, and I make this point separately to stress it, if the studio does not help your son dance like a man and treat him like a boy, not like one of the girls, take him out of class. Boys should not be dressed in pink tights and leotards. They should not be given girly costumes on competition teams (or forced to wear makeup if they hate it), and they should not be told to dance in the same way a girl dances. The female ballet, jazz and tap teachers should know how to help the boys dance like boys. If they don’t know how to do this, find a studio that has teachers that do, or find one with male teachers. At a minimum, take your son out of those classes and find a private instructor who can do this for your dancin’ boy.
Have something to add? Leave your suggestion below in a comment.
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Great post. A comprehensive list that is very helpful.
That ‘s a very interesting list. For me number 4 is where I’m at that moment. I think though the majority of dance schools don’t want their students to do oustide stuff so will disparage any other dance opportunities/institutions and this is especially so when discussing future training options. I’ve found that the best advice comes from teachers who are not attached to the dance school!
Eva,
Yes, the best advice always comes from those who are not too attached financially to your son.
My husband and I were discussing the fact that most studios frown on going outside to do “other” stuff, but when your son is at a certain level–studying seriously–this can be a good countermeasure. It’s easy to get him too involved in competitions, performances, “fun” classes, and the like and not stay focused on technique. We found that the need to balance the request and requirements of serious studios, like Ballet San Jose School or TDC (now CCDA), with our son’s desires and our own, kept a nice balance over all. It felt restrictive at the time, but it ended up being the right thing.
But you might need someone outside to help you decide when a studio just wants your money and isn’t vested in your son’s best interest. We did that on occasion.
Don’t ever feel obligated to a teacher or a studio, though. The only obligation you have is to your son and helping him succeed.
Great list!!! I would also add that if after years of training at a specific studio, the boy’s/men’s costumes are always an “afterthought”, not masculine, ill-fitting so that they inhibit their dancing, and/or you are expected to help come up with something at the last minute (while beautiful costumes are provided for the ballerinas)… it might indicate the studio’s lack of interest in your dancing son’s training.
Great addition, Julie!
This is an excellent list for sons AND daughters. If I had read this last season, we would have realized sooner that leaving was not just something to contemplate but something that was necessary. Nearly everything on that list was true for us. She did ultimately make the switch this fall.
Well, you’ll know for next time, Gayle! Hope it’s going well at the new studio.
These are great things to consider when you are trying to find ways to help your child improve their dancing ability. After all, it can really be difficult to progress when no one is challenging. I really enjoyed this article, and I’ll be sure to apply some of the things suggested with my daughter when she outgrows her studio. How would you suggest actually finding a good studio? http://www.hoofersperformingarts.com/
thank you for this list. I am very stressed about my decision to leave. My daughter has a lot of friends in her current studio and loves going there for social reasons. She is really flexible and quite fit so she is considered one of the best in her age level. I’ve noticed, however, that she is somewhat cocky and really does not have much drive anymore. She is a bit bored and certainly is not challenged. Having said that she did not want to leave because she has been with this studio since she was 5 years old. I’ve made the decision to leave and informed the owner. Now, of course, I am full of regrets and doubts! This article made me feel a bit better though! Thank you again and fingers crossed it will work out for us.
Good luck, Julie. Sounds like you made the right decision.
Hello Nina, thanks for this list. This is for great guide for parents who sent their children and didn’t get feedback from their dance class.
I’m so glad you found it useful.
My son is 4 and he’s been dancing for a year at a studio I’ve been with for 5 years, and they dont do privates so I started him at a new school for 45 minute privates while he was still taking dance classes at the other studio. Now that he’s been in privates for a year his skill level has improved alot and now he is ahead of the other kids in his class, and the teacher won’t advance him to a more appropriate class where he can learn new steps and practice the steps he knows so he’s basically stuck in a class doing the same things he already knows how to do and not progressing. When I confronted the teacher about it she said she will not let my child advance because he’s 4 years old. He still taking privates at the other school and he’s getting better and better. I feel like if I stay at the dance studio I’ve been with for 5 years that my son would be held back from progressing further and he is a smart boy he enjoys learning new things. It’s hard leaving but sometimes it’s best
Yes, Karen. You know best…and you don’t want your son bored. He’ll quite. Move studios…fast!
I’m hesitant about switching. my daughter has been at this studio for 10 years. so ever since she started dancing. we have known the owner for a long time. but my daughter has her graduation ceremony on the same day and time as a big dance show. when I told her teachers she wouldn’t be at the show because of her graduation they said she’s not allowed to go to her graduation and she has to come to the show. she’s very upset and doesn’t know what to do. she hates disappointing people. we are thinking about switching studios next year because of this incident and a few others. she just doesn’t want to make her teachers mad. she also isn’t learning anything new at her studio. she’s been learning the same things for 3 years. she wants to switch, and I do to but we just aren’t sure.
Thanks Nina. I agree. I found this article by the BBC that discusses the signs of when to leave a studio for children. Its relevant, but more for the signs at an early age.
http://www.bbc.com/news/education-35130914?utm_content=bufferd88a0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
I agree that it’s so important that a teacher should correct their student. I feel like if they don’t correct, they don’t grow. When I was a kid our teacher was way too easy on us. I never became much good because I wasn’t pushed as much as I should have been.
I’m so sorry I missed this! If your daughter isn’t learning, it is time to move one for sure. And schedules at studios often conflict with school events. It’s a juggling act, but the school needs to at least be open to talk.
I like what you said about your son being on the top level and tops out at the studio and needs a new studio that can help him improve his dancing skills. My daughter I think is like this so we’ve been looking around for a new studio, new dance classes, new people that she can learn from. She’s been doing great so far and we think we should definitely keep her going in this direction because it seems to be so good for her.
Thank you so much for this post! I read everything you’d written on the blog back when it became obvious that my son was serious about ballet. So this post was filed away in brain when #10 started becoming an issue. We also realized my son was being passed over for roles because he was a second rate girl and a really great boy, but the school really preferred girls and kept boys around waiting until puberty hit. I felt terrible at first about moving him (he himself was so upset about it because he had to leave his friends at the old school) but I told him he could choose to dance a couple times a week for fun and social and stay at the old school or if he was serious about ballet he’d have to change. He agreed then that it was time to change. The new school is a longer drive and costs more but he has two male teachers (at the old school they were reserved for the older boys) and in every class the teachers are showing him what he’s supposed to do differently from the girls. Most importantly, I’ve watched his confidence soar. He’s improving so quickly and I’m watching him leap around the house instead of walk. I knew nothing about ballet (and had seen Nutcracker once in my life) before my son discovered his passion for it and now as his mom-manager, it’s websites like yours that help me avoid terrible mistakes. Thank you so much!
Ann, Thanks so much for your lovely comment. From a business perspective, this site doesn’t help me in the least–although I’d love to coach male dancers. But it provides me with such a sense of fulfillment when I read a comment like yours. Sounds like you made a great choice for your son. Congrats on that!
Nice post about how to know when its time to change dance studios, I think your post very helpful for lot of people, Thanks for sharing the information.
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