Do your dancin’ boys ever want to do something other than dance? Do they have other interests…like soccer, snowboarding, or football? Julian used to play soccer, and he was quite good. When we’ve had time and money to go to the Sierra’s in the winter, he’s loved snowboarding, but we haven’t gone recently–much to his dismay.(Although I’ve avoided having him even go with friends.)
As a dancer, he really isn’t supposed to do anything like play soccer or go snowboarding. I know he’s only 15, but the artistic director of his pre-professional dance program at TDC frowns on him doing anything that puts him at risk of getting hurt. He was appalled when one of the other dancers gave him a soccer ball last year as a gift.
As a mother, I try to direct him away from these “dangerous” activities these days as well, although I feel vaguely guilty for doing so. Sometimes things seem out of my hands, though…like today. Julian came home and told me that he’d spent several hours after school playing soccer with some of the varsity soccer players.
Ack! Well, he came home unharmed, so that was a good thing, but still…
I must say I feel guilty for not wanting him to do things that are fun and that he’s actually good at. Plus, of course, taking part in these activities makes him feel “like” the other kids. It’s a social issue. Today he felt very accepted, especially when a varsity soccer player asked him if he played soccer for the school. When he said “no,” the boy said, “Well, you should.”
On the other hand, Julian doesn’t quite get that his body is his tool. Well, maybe he does get it, but he isn’t ready to give things up to care for that tool. I feel that I must protect that tool for him if he won’t–even if he doesn’t like me doing so.
Anyone else struggle with this issue? Moms? Dads? Boys?
We all know that injuries and accidents can happen. I also wonder how many of the great non-American male dancers played soccer every day just because it is in their country’s DNA.
We direct our children away from certain activities, such as American football and skate boarding, just because of the high rates of major injury. We haven’t made a conscious decision to keep away from certain other of activities. However, our son has dropped other activities by his choice because dance takes up most of his non-school time. So, his answer to “why aren’t you on the team” is an answer “I don’t have the time”.
My family’s question is what type of activities have negative impacts on the dancers body (and are supported by some physiological understanding)? For example, he loves running, but has heard from his teacher that it will hurt his turn-out. Is this a well understood truth or is it just a old wive’s/dancer’s tale?(remember, golfers used to be told don’t do any weight lifting. Now look at what the golfers do).
Also, what activities are OK, or might even provide a benefit(if your willing to pass over the risk of injury)? Kids want to have some fun outside of dancing. It’s hard to find resources that can answer this question.
In the end, walking out your door into the world puts you at risk for injury and taking that first step is an act of faith. That’s extreme but I think what I’m saying is that a game with friends can be good for the soul. Resentment toward dance can kill a career too.
That’s not to increase your feelings of guilt, which for moms is always high anyway. Actually release that guilt because in the end Julian has to weigh things, make decisions, and take responsibility for himself. Sometimes doing what’s not necessarily “good for you” is worth it. Sure there’s risk, but living is risky business.
Actually I struggled with this exact issue when I was younger. I wanted to play soccer in grammar school and was told by my ballet teacher that I shouldn’t do it because I might get hurt, and because it could develop unwanted musculature. I was crushed.
At that age I did understand that my body was my instrument, but didn’t have the maturity to walk away from soccer without feeling cheated. Sacrifice is a very difficult thing for a child.
I do understand now why I wasn’t allowed though–and with an adult’s perspective I’m ok with the decision my Mom made to opt out of me joining the soccer team.
Hope that helps. š
Excellent point Jeff! Would soccer have developed muscles that were undesireable to a dancer? I don’t know the answer. An interesting void there of realiable information…
Great comments from pros and parents alike! It is hard to find good resources, Jeff. And you can’t even send your kids off to do some more light-hearted dance, like tap. Julian was told at one point by former hoofer and artistic director for Ballet San Jose Dennis Nahat that at some point he would have to give up tap because it would hurt his ballet as well. We haven’t seen that to be the case. In fact, we see that doing tap increases his musicality. And we see that jazz increases his strength. And hip hop is just plain fun and allows him to learn to move his body in ways that help him in modern and contemporary as well.
As for his foray in to soccer on Friday, he sure was sore afterward! I decided it was great cross training and prep for this summer at ABT. We know he has 6 weeks to get in shape for the intensive, and any extra exercise helps. Jumping rope is a good one. I’ve never heard that running is bad for turn out; that’s new to me.
I guess when it’s all said and done I’d say, boys will be boys…and we have to let them be boys–until they are ready to become full-time dancers. If your dancin’ boy is anything like mine, he loves sports and he’s good at almost all of them. He could have chosen to be a professional soccer player (or at least gone on to play in college) as easily as to be a professional dancer. So, it’s awfully hard to stop them from doing the things they love and are good at doing. We can only advise them.
And I used to play soccer, too…until I got hurt. And I still love to ski, when I have a chance (except my knee injury gives me pause). But I’m older. That doesn’t mean I don’t know and remember and wish for the thrill of the wind in my hair, the powder spraying around me, and the hill spreading out before me as I speed downhill. I don’t have to imagine what that’s like for my son…and how he misses the opportunity to go snowboarding.
As Nichelle said, everyone takes a risk of injury just by walking out the door. Last year in NYC I reinjured my knee walking down the stairs to our apartment. I ended up needed ACL surgery for the second time. You could just as easily take a misstep and hurt yourself. I know someone who broke her knee cap when a wave hit her from behind just right. So…we all need to simply live our lives. I guess that’s the lesson.
Julian is so full of life. I wouldn’t want to take that away from him…ever…that lust for life and joy of living.
Running tightens the calves upon impact with the ground. Dancing in soft, flat ballet slippers while doing sautes and leaps fully stretches calves at impact with the floor. The achilles gets yanked around in different directions.
The work en releve stresses parts of your calves that normally aren’t used in running.
Done concurrently, ballet and running are probably one of the worst combinations of activities, imho.
My thirty-year-old dancer son, after a ten-year freelance career, is glad to come back to his home town and play recreational softball in the summer, and is glad to have the skills he learned in Little League that allow him to do that. I think if he had only stayed in the dance studio, he wouldn’t be the diverse person he is now. I also think the hiking, running, basketball, baseball he did at different times in his young life strengthened him in a way that has kept him relatively free of injury. True, he had to work hard to develop a dancer’s body, but he did it consciously, with an awareness of how to work with his limitations and strengths. But Julian needs to make the decision to explore other activities–or the decision to pursue dance single-mindedly, if that’s his choice. It’s a career that can go by in a heartbeat, so knowing what else he can do that he enjoys seems like a good idea to me–with consideration to the injury factor.
four words on the topic:
Let the kids play!!!!
Walking cross the street is a injury factor. Getting caught in the bus-door, falling in the stairs, you can get hurt anywhere. Can’t stop doing it for that matter! Let your boy do what he likes – he will have more energi and motivation for ballet by doing it as well!!
My thirty-year-old dancer son, after a ten-year freelance career, is glad to come back to his home town and play recreational softball in the summer, and is glad to have the skills he learned in Little League that allow him to do that. I think if he had only stayed in the dance studio, he wouldn’t be the diverse person he is now. I also think the hiking, running, basketball, baseball he did at different times in his young life strengthened him in a way that has kept him relatively free of injury. True, he had to work hard to develop a dancer’s body, but he did it consciously, with an awareness of how to work with his limitations and strengths. But Julian needs to make the decision to explore other activities–or the decision to pursue dance single-mindedly, if that’s his choice. It’s a career that can go by in a heartbeat, so knowing what else he can do that he enjoys seems like a good idea to me–with consideration to the injury factor.
Many have already left comments similar to how I feel about the situation. From my own experience, it comes down to a matter of priorities and at his age, he has time to figure out what those priorities will be for the rest of his life. Your direction as his parent is vital because he should rely on what you’ve learned in life’s experiences. Dance is incredibly important to me, but so is singing. In college and after college I battled trying to choose which one I couldn’t live without. My mentors tried to get me to choose the one that defined me more than the other. What I realized was that my personality and what I desire to give to the artistic world lies in both of those elements. My rhythm and musicality is better in voice because of my dancing. I teach a small, beginners dance group for a private college and I will tell you that the athletically inclined students have much more access to their muscles. Their minds are more equipped to adapt and try new things. After I began dancing years ago (although I was a late bloomer in that way), my athleticism increased. Soccer is personally one of my favorite team sports to play.
Team – what another wonderful reason for a dancer to involve themselves in a team sport. They learn another dynamic of working with others. We all have our shining moments as soloists – but if we can’t learn to support others in our group than we can’t grow and we won’t inspire with our talent. Call this a completely crazy idea, but perhaps dance troops should have a go at playing a game of soccer together to see how they can improve their unity.
Great comments, Sarah. You are right on all counts. However, sometimes dancers do need to choose. Julian’s foray into musical theater made his grades drop. That was definitely not good. Too much on his plate. He has continued to play soccer every Friday, which has been good for his moral and social status at school, plus I think it has built muscles that he doesn’t normally use. Has it helped his flexibility? Probably not. I gave up worrying about him getting hurt.
Oh, he decided to pursue dance single-mindedly back in middle school after getting kicked off the soccer team while away at an audition for Billy Elliot. He hasn’t ever looked back. That said, he loves every sport and is good at most of them, too. He misses the social acceptance he would have received from being part of a team. Dancing just isn’t as accepted as playing soccer. Plus, he loves soccer and hanging out with the guys. He misses not having guy friends.