Thanks to the young man who set me straight today, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my blog today. I’ve been considering who reads it, the affect it has on readers and what I want to write about. In fact, I’ve been remembering the true focus on this blog and how I think I got a bit off track.
When I began blogging about my son and his dancing, the purpose was to shed light on the issues boys in general face in the dance world as well as the issues parents have raising and dealing with boys who dance. I did this, of course, also by discussing Julian, his issues and the issues his father and I face with him. I think, however, I got off track as this blog obtained more readers. I began to feel pressure to blog several times a week…and I didn’t always have a pressing issue to discuss! So, I began talking about petty little issues and daily small items them came up in the life of my dancing son.
Therein lies the problem…when there isn’t much to talk about what do most of us do? We talk about others… (Judaism frowns on this big time. I know that well.) However, I never meant to do this in a hurtful way. I thought I was just talking about my son’s experiences in the world of dance. And I think I was, but possibly I was doing so on occassion with a focus less on the really important issues and more on the daily, humdrum stuff that adolescent or teen boys talk about and stress over. And rather than really analyzing his “stories,” I just blurted them out here, much like he would. I didn’t think about whether or not his “versions” of the stories were tainted by his jealously or his frustration.
So, I’ve gone back and looked at a few more blog posts and tried to be a bit more analytical by inserting a few more “realistic” adult comments to show that I do have some sense of reality. (Actually, I see my son for who he is a lot of the time…also a bit big-headed, not as hard working as he should be, with a lot of as-as-yet-unrealized talent, often annoying, overly sensitive, not living up to his potential…need I go on?) Really…I’m very hard on him, and tend to see more of the negative than the positive, although that doesn’t come through here, I’m sure.
All this to say: I will do better! I will focus on the big issues more of the time!
And, for Julian’s sake, as well as for the other dancers with whom he comes in contact, I will try to not be so specific about the people in his life or about him. I’m actually quiet upset with my self (Bad Mommy!) for exposing him to whatever will come his way when he runs into the boy whom I upset (and his friends…). I’ve always known that I do, indeed, expose him through this blog, but I’ve never really considered that someone he knows well would read it and what type of ramifications that would have in his life, let alone mine.
So, there’s the lesson for today, parents. Don’t share your son’s words about others…especially in cyberspace! These boys have a hard enough time making it through the day without us (me) making it harder.
I’ve already apologized to one boy today, now I have to apologize to my own…
And from now on I’ll keep in mind that while cyberspace is vast…the world is an ever smaller and smaller place. You never know who you will run into…even here on the Internet (or especially here on the Internet). And while I have been writing for parents, I suppose it was inevitable that eventually kids who knew Julian would show up here to read this blog as well – or their parents.
In Judaism we say people do “teshuvah” at the New Year. The word means “to turn,” as in to turn back to God or to another, better way of being. We repent, in other words. In many ways, today I’ve done teshuvah. I’ve repented and turned back to the original purpose of this blog. Hopefully, that will make it more meaningful and helpful to all readers – young and old.