Okay…well…I really didn’t want to get into this, but I’ve been encouraged on by my faithful reader, Queenie, and, by my son, Julian. Yes, he feels it is very important for me to share the privileged information he received from his ballet teacher, and which, I must add, he was very pleased to receive, so that other boys might not suffer the embarrassment – and pain – of misplaced “stuff” in their dance belts.
First, what is a dance belt? If you haven’t ever seen or heard of this item of dance clothing, its basically a thong for guys who dance. It’s worn under their dance tights, usually in ballet and jazz (or any time a boy or man wears tight-fitting and bun-featuring attire). However, it is not a jock strap. It offers no protection from a girls misplaced foot or partnering turn gone wrong. (In fact, Julian says it makes boys more likely to get hit where it hurts most.) It simply positions the male genitalia in such a way that it is featured in, well, how should I say it?…a neat package. And it shows off the boy’s rear end, which hopefully is nice and muscled, without any “panty lines,” as Queenie says. (If you want to see a picture of a dance belt and hear about another kid’s experience with one, go to her blog, http://theshoestringprince.blogspot.com/2008/10/good-bad-dance-belt.html.)
My son at first hated his dance belt and found it terribly uncomfortable. I wasn’t surprised, being a mom who has shunned the female thong and never understood how women could find that strap up their butt crack comfortable. (Okay, now you probably know more about me than you needed to know.) However, he wore it to ballet class on a daily basis, as well as in performances, and even in many of his jazz classes.
He did complain that sometimes it chaffed…and he didn’t like being in it for many hours at a time. These days, however, he says he’s used to it and can be in it all day. (I guess that’s what happens to women eventually, too.) But, he has since had some lessons in how to actually position his “stuff,” as he calls it, in the dance belt. (See the comments from yesterday’s blog post. You’ll get a good laugh, I promise.)
Julian was lucky enough to have a male ballet teacher who took pity on him and the one other boy in ballet class and one day took them aside and taught them how to actually position their genitalia in their dance belts. (I cannot imagine a female ballet teacher doing this…) Now, some of you might say, “Oh, no! That’s a really weird thing for a teacher to do!” But, someone had to teach these poor boys how to use those thongs, and I surely didn’t know what to tell Julian and neither did his dad (who wears cotton, baggy boxers – now you know too much about him, too). And we assumed he was wearing them “correctly.” Little did any of us know that he had his “stuff” hanging too low. In fact, the boys had the dance belts on but all their “stuff” just landed in that little sack at the front however it landed. There was no conscious effort made to position it.
Now think about the male ballet dancers you’ve seen. See them up there on stage, and let your eye travel to the place you are supposed to be avoiding looking at…their crotch. (Oh, you know you’ve looked there before…) Notice that everything is neatly packaged in that dance belt and upfront. Nothing is hanging low or looking messy.
This was not the case for Julian and his ballet buddy. They were packaged up but hanging low and messy to boot. So, their kind and conscientious teacher (and I meant that), who I will not name here (although I’d love to give him credit), took them aside and taught them the fine art of “scoop and swoop.” Yes…dare I say it…once the boy has the dance belt on, he reaches in and scoops up his “stuff” and swoops it upward and positions it front and center. And there it stays.
The boys, of course, had to ask if this was supposed to “make it look bigger.” The answer came back: “No, just neater.”
But we aren’t done with the lesson. I wish we were. Julian informed me that I had to include this last part, but I’m not including the terminology. I refuse. The boys found that once they had their ballet tights over the dance belt, during class the seam on the tights, which are very tight, that ran down the front of the tights would create an indent and find a way to nestle into the crevices of the dance belt. You know, the nooks and crannies that weren’t “filled” with “stuff.” They didn’t like the effect, so they went to their devoted teacher and began to explain what was happening.
He knew immediately what they were talking about and called it by a name I’d rather not mention here, although Julian really wanted me to (Sorry Julian…), and offered them an easy solution. He told them to inconspicuously pinch their tights at that location and pull them out and up, dislodging the seam from the indents in the dance belt. This is called “pluck and pull.” And then, I suppose (Julian didn’t mention this), pull the tights up some more at the waist.
So, that’s the lesson for today: How to wear a dance belt. I suppose you could try it yourself first…or go buy a thong. Hopefully your son will find a thoughtful and conscientious male teacher who will teach him in an appropriate fashion saving you the trouble. If not, you might have to take on the job yourself. Now at least you’ll know how to instruct him.
If your son has other boys in class wearing dance belts, don’t expect them to teach each other. Julian says its “way too awkward” to offer another guy the instruction he received. I’m sure it was awkward for Julian’s teacher, which is why I really do give him so much credit for having done it. I’m not sure what would happen if a boy asked another boy for instruction…maybe, depending on the boy, he’d get help. It would be worth a try.
(After I wrote this post I found Dr. Dance Belt…Be sure to go to his site and read his guide for more information on this topic.)
Brilliant post! How wonderful that you found that description of how to wear a dance belt on the Dance.net forum. I searched and searched (admittedly I didn’t use Google) and could find nothing.
After the unfortunate mishap—I was desperate to find somthing.
Being from the midwest I figure Pete’s teacher was a bit leary of going into the down and dirty with him.
Well, considering that dance belts really aren’t self explanitory, there are precious few men who even have experience of wearing the things much less who find themselves in the position of talking about them to other men, or boys…
Oh lordy, and what with the stigma and assumptions of what my son calls “twinkly-ness” that male ballet dancers deal with simply for pursuing their interest I imagine they would be doubly leary of sidling up to another male and telling him, in effect,
“Um dude, I was checking out your package, and I couldn’t help but noticing that you’re wearing your dance belt wrong…here, let me help you.”
Whoooa Nelly! That’s a risk to great to take.
So, for the many young men who just don’t know where to turn, and to the many “too skeeved to be much help” parents I’m grateful that there are now TWO places on the web where one might find out about the dance world’s darkest secret.
Hi! Thanks for this info! My son is a dancer and I’ve been dreading the day when this topic had to be covered! He has several parts in our production of the Nutcracker and will need his first dance belt. This should help!
My pleasure! Expect a bit of discomfort at first and a possibly some chaffing. Before you know it, he’ll be wearing a dance belt like a second skin. My son doesn’t even notice them any more, although he does still like to get them off as soon as possible.
Good lord, you don’t mean to tell me that the male teacher adjusted it for them do you? I would NEVER even think of doing that to my students and risk being sued and/or put in jail. The easiest way is to demonstrate it on yourself wearing the belt the wrong way and the right way and all without showing any skin. The boys should be able to figure it out once they see this.
Of course not! He just showed told them how! The words used, “scoop and swoop,” and the general motion showed was enough, if I recall. I’m not sure that he even demonstrated. Most people who have read the post have understood. The mom’s have been very grateful! :~)
My just-pubescent son rides horses, English jumping – another female dominated activity – your blog was helpful for us as well!
I rode as a child and through much of my adult life. It’s amazing to think this blog is helping parents of young male equestrian’s as well. Wow…thanks so much for writing in.
(This comment was left on the old site by j_Bureller@live.com) Thanks this was really helpful. I started taking ballet in high school and found it hard to adjust and was too afraid and embarrassed to ask. I’m an African-American male who grew up in a family of strong independent woman who assured me that boys don’t dance and that male ballet dancers were “fags”(God I hate that word!). I knew for sure I couldn’t ask them for any kind of advice that had to do with my “junk” being supported unless it had to do with me catching, throwing, hitting, kicking, or bouncing a ball up and down some kind of court. You are definately brave and a hero to many moms, dads, and boys(seriously!)
(submitted on the old blog by– Rowe) I read many articles on belts before our son had to wear one.To our supprise he picked a thong belt. Seeing many photos of ballet he wanted to look like them[men]without the full belts.Being in a family of ballet lovers showing the human form was never a big thing,even nudity was nothing between us.This made everything much easier when he asked how to put on his belt and tights. With the help of his older sister and me,reading one column while putting them on.My daughter pulled up the back tight and I pulled up his lovely testicles.I told him to hold on to his penis and pull it up as what the advice in the column was saying.We were all new to this.He wanted to look at himself before he put on the tight.He laughed while looking at his naked butt.His sister showed him how to put the tights on.I almost teared looking at my little man all dressed like the adult male dancers.He looked so beautiful.This is part of a mom’s and family’s duty.There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of…..Also having read many things about boys/men in ballet,some about being a sissy this is very untrue.Our son loves playing ball and many sports and is very masculine for his age.He just loves dancing and also loves seeing the girls in ballet.I think that’s why he wanted to start ballet.My husband also loves ballet.Next year he will need his first cup to play ball.I don’t think I’ll need to instruct him.We’ll do what ever it takes to protect his precious jewels from harm.MORE MEN IN BALLET!!I read many articles on belts before our son had to wear one.To our supprise he picked a thong belt. Seeing many photos of ballet he wanted to look like them[men]without the full belts.Being in a family of ballet lovers showing the human form was never a big thing,even nudity was nothing between us.This made everything much easier when he asked how to put on his belt and tights. With the help of his older sister and me,reading one column while putting them on.My daughter pulled up the back tight and I pulled up his lovely testicles.I told him to hold on to his penis and pull it up as what the advice in the column was saying.We were all new to this.He wanted to look at himself before he put on the tight.He laughed while looking at his naked butt.His sister showed him how to put the tights on.I almost teared looking at my little man all dressed like the adult male dancers.He looked so beautiful.This is part of a mom’s and family’s duty.There is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of…..Also having read many things about boys/men in ballet,some about being a sissy this is very untrue.Our son loves playing ball and many sports and is very masculine for his age.He just loves dancing and also loves seeing the girls in ballet.I think that’s why he wanted to start ballet.My husband also loves ballet.Next year he will need his first cup to play ball.I don’t think I’ll need to instruct him.We’ll do what ever it takes to protect his precious jewels from harm.MORE MEN IN BALLET!!
Thanks. I myself was a dancer and my son is dancing too. Recently need to buy a dance belt for him, of course I won’t be able to help him as I had never talked to fellow male dancers about dance belt! My son is very small, not sure a man’s dance belt would fit him. Your blog definitely helped me to decide what I should be aware of when getting one and will also help him to adjust the belt to perfect position. Will let you know the result once I have bought one! 😀
I’ll be waiting to hear!!
Let me know how it works out!
I would just like to comment to Nina the mother that makes such positive expression of her son’s male parts. I think every man subconsciously desires that kind of respect of his male parts, but seldom receives, or gives it to himself, for that matter. I think if we give proper respect to things we would not miss use it as often.Remember life is sexually transmitted. I feel if we gave respect in those areas. There would be much less abuse of sexual matters. Keep up the good work Moms.
Great article very informative. I just read Doc Dance Belts web site information. FYI when I first started ballet lessons on the first day the nice lady asked if I had a Dance Belt I said a what? She said to support your privates I said Oh! I have a jock. She informed me that will not work. Its OK for today but get a DB. As required I got one. It was confining, uncomfortable and aweful. But no one took the time or interest to show me how to wear this thing. I get it now. Also the issue about tights. No Big Deal in class we wore DB, tights and gym shorts and T-shirt tights were a non issue. If i had a son who was going to learn ballet I would for sure instruct him on how to wear the “required” item.
Marc,
I’ll have to check out Doc Dance Belts site! Glad you figured it out! And thanks for your comment.
Nina
Very good, useful. Good to see that someone posts information about this. I’m a male dancer, and I was having a problem with the “indent” and this definitely helped. It’s hard to find help from others when there aren’t many male dancers to begin with, and I would never expect female teachers (like mine) to say anything about it cause that’d be a little too awkward for everyone.
Thank you for this post! We live in a medium-sized town and no male teachers to speak of. We haven’t gotten to the age of requirement, but as all three have such a love for dance, this may be soon approaching. I know our local teachers would not feel comfortable discussing this as they took embarrassment when one son bruised his groin on the playground and told her that due to that injury, his doctor wanted him not to plie that week.
Now, when the time comes, I can return to this article. I will probably still ask my husband to have “the talk” but at least now we know what it should be.
You are welcome. It’s my most read post.
Hi NIna, this blog was very informative! My son is 9, turning 10, and someone said to me recently he should wear a dance belt. What age do boys usually start wearing them? (Or does that depend on the individual’s development?) Also, do you know if some brands are known to be better than others?
Really enjoying reading your blogs – just found them the other day!
Eva,
They can start wearing them quite young, but typically the younger boys wear a dance brief, more like a pair of underwear. It’s your call on that. I’d take your son to a good dance store and have him try both on. See which he tolerates. If you can get him to wear the dance belt now, he is definitely old enough at this point. Good luck!
Hi Nina – as a boy dancer I found your blog most interesting as it comes from the dancer’s moms perspective which I must admit I hadn’t really considered and I thought it would be interesting and indeed perhaps helpful to address some of issues from the boy dancer’s perspective.
I started dancing 14 years ago at the age of 5 encouraged by my mother and older sister, and I must say that I have enjoyed it almost without exception ever since. Of course I had to put up sometimes with the unfavourable attitudes of some other boys which I didn’t allow to effect me and a lot of the time there were few if any other boys in a class full of girls.
Obviously initially my mother organised my dancing gear – usually T-shirts, black tights worn over black dance pants. I must have continued wearing black dance pants for quite a few years until I started to realise that I needed a bit more support. This was not a thing I felt I could discuss with my mother, but could easily do with my sister. She is 5 years older than me, a far better dancer than I will ever be, and we’ve always been close and able to discuss anything and she has always encouraged me in my dancing. For a while I tried wearing speedos under my tights which I found certainly gave me a bit more support, then after speaking to my sister about it she kindly gave me some thongs of hers and a pair of her lycra support pants to try. They worked for me for a while but of course in the end they weren’t designed with the male anatomy in mind!
I think it’s fair to say that at that time, what to wear under my tights became quite an issue for me and I’m sure must be for other boys at that age. Some time later I started wearing jockstraps, thinking that they were probably the best thing to wear and in many ways they were. They certainly give great support but of course the downside is that the straps at the back tend to show through tights. I tried many different jockstraps, different makes, different styles, different colours, some with broad waistbands, some with narrow, looking for the ideal solution and never quite finding it!
I think I was 12 wheh my dancing teacher took me aside at the end of a class and spoke to me about various aspects of my dancing and also explained that really I should be wearing a dance belt. I was quite embarrassed, not by what she was saying, but the realisation that she could tell just by observation what I was wearing at the time!
Anyhow I guess that was the start of a whole new chapter and the next day I headed to the local dance shop and my sister kindly offered to come with me. The girl in the shop was extremely helpful, was probably used to helping boys buy their first dance belts, and showed us various different makes and styles. She recommended nude colour as that can be worn under any colour of tights without showing and I chose one that looked just right for me – thong style of course, nude colour, a fairly narrow waistband and a padded front. I couldn’t wait to get home to try it on!
I got changed as soon as I got home and tried on my new purchase. It was an amazing experience for the first time, not like anything I had ever tried before. I didn’t have an issue with the thong as I think some boys do, but I had worn thongs before although not nearly so tight and once I’d got everything adjusted and in position it felt so good. My sister looked on amusedly as I got to grips with this new garment and indeed helped me make the final adjustments, then when I put mt tights on over my dance belt she paid me the most wonderful compliment – “you look like a real dancer now” she said! For me wearing a dance belt for the first time was an amazing experience and it’s no exageration to say it marked a significant point in my dancing career.
The dance belt gives support as do other garments but the support is total because of it’s tightness, so nothing can move about, but the unique feature of the dance belt is that it effectively “repositions” all the “bits” lifting them out of harm’s way and presenting them out front, which with the help of the padded front, creates a really neat looking package. I have to admit that, not quite knowing what to expect, I was pleasantly surprised at the size of the (padding enhanced) bulge! Also the rear looks much more taut and neat without any strap lines. My mother was as complimentary as my sister had been when she came home and I was really looking forward to my class the next day. I wondered if the girls in my class would notice my “new look”. I didn’t have long to wait to find out!
“You look good today Darren” said Cindy, the first girl I met as we warmed up for our class. The only thing was she wasn’t looking at my face, she was looking straight at my crotch. I was the only boy in the class and there was much giggling amongst the girls and I was aware of all the pairs of eyes trained on the bulge in the front of my tights! The odd thing was that previously I would have been embarrassed, but now I felt so much more confident it didn’t bother me at all. In fact if I’m honest I quite enjoyed the attention and I started to realise that your body is something to be up front about, to look after and take a pride in.
I proceeded to do my best class ever, finding for the first time I could concentrate 100% on my dancing without any concern about thing bouncing about and afterwards my teacher complimented me on my dancing and the fact that I was wearing a dance belt! And so my dancing career has progressed from that point onwards. It seems remakable that a dance belt could make such a difference, but in my case it certainly did both physically and I think psychologically. I do hope this post may be of interest and may indeed be helpful to some of your readers.
hi, im 15 and i dont dance but iv wanted to ask my mom if i could join ballet but i kinda dont know how to and also im not the type youd see up on stage im around 130pds small but ehh. how could i bring this topic on her and where do i start?
Hi Darin. You simply tell her you want to try dance. There are lots of ways to begin…even ballet. And 130 pounds for a 15-year-old boy is not so large. You will slim down and muscle up and get in great shape doing ballet. It’s great exercise! So tell her that…that you love to dance and want to get in shape and are interested in dance for many reasons, including exercise. Ballet inspires you. If she has questions about it, she can contact me. Good luck! Go for it.
THE REAL HERO’S UTILITY BELT by Dane Youssef
If a guy’s willing to wear the standard jock-strap in any other sport, he should know–and be comfortable enough–to wear the “dance-belt.” Keep in mind that ballet truly is…the ultimate sport.
If the boy asks, “Why?” Just tell him… “It’s just like wearing a jock-strap.” And have his father tell him what happens when one—any jock—plays virtually any sport without wearing a jock. Except boxing, of course. Or let him see himself what happens.
Yes, ballet is a sport. In fact, it’s the ultimate sport. It makes anything else—even those sports that involve riding down snowy cliffs at break-neck speed or driving vehicles that have no speed limit.
A man should protect himself. Just like the woman keeps her toes taped and padded with gel inserts and cotton balls when she does Pointe. Have that belt and made a nice firm cup over it at the same time. Accidents can happen. A guy needs less protection (just like anything else in life), but he still needs it. Women need more accessories when it comes to doing anything… and this is certainly no exception.
Tell the boys that they can dance. Tell them they’re supposed to. Ladies… ask them to dance with you. Tell them that they have a place in ballet… An important place…
–As Always, Dane Youssef
Thanks, Dane! I always enjoy a male perspective on the topic!
What age do boys need to start wearing a belt?
I’m not sure there is a certain age. But when they get more serious–or uncomfortable, I’d start with a dance brief. Then work up. If they are wearing tights, they will soon realize that they look better in a dance belt…and more professional.
Can anyone advise on the chaffing of the buttcrack? that is the worst for my son and he hates it. last week he was literally almost crying after class because it has rubbed raw at the top of his crack!
You should join the My Son Can Dance Facebook group. You’ll get answers there for sure! But I’ll post your question as well and see what happens.
Tina,
Here are suggestions from the people in the My Son Can Dance Facebook group:
First, wash up real good. Then, dry real good. Then, use Desitin and CORN STARCH. Put it on when you get home will be better within hours. The plain brand not with any scent. I know it sounds crazy but try it. Just like a baby in a diaper. Also be careful they both can make a mess of your clothes. That’s why we use it at night at the first sign of chafing.
Different size dance belt–sizing could be the issue. And don’t use a thong dance belt until it heals.
From a male dancer: Wear a dance belt that fits properly. One that fits snuggly so that it does not move around when you dance.
http://www.antimonkeybutt.com/
Anti Monkey Butt Powder says “high performance body powder with calamine, fights friction absorbs sweat formulated for those who work hard & play hard”
I would make sure he’s seen a physician just in case there is a fungus, infection etc. If not then recommend anti chafing products they sell for runners.
There’s an anti-chafing stick you can buy in running and sports stores. Marathon runners use Vaseline EVERYwhere if you get my drift. The best diaper cream otherwise for that for cyclists is Boudreaux’s Buttpaste; at Walgreens and most pharmacies.
Recommendation from a pro male dancer: Boudreaux’s Butt Paste (diaper rash stuff) max strength.
PLEASE JOIN THE FB GROUP! Lots of suggestions there…more than here.
I’m hoping for some help advice. Not about my son’s dancing but about the wearing of dancewear in other sport. My son is 14 and a really good cross country runner and competes regularly for the school against other schools. The school does not allow students to wear track pants for running even n the really cold weather. Because of this my son started wearing ballet tights under his shorts. For the past three years the school have been fine with this. A couple of other boys in his class and several in the school year below have also started wearing tights in this way even though I dont think they are necessarily dancers – its just about dealing with the cold weather. Now the school has banned boys from wearing tights. They are insisting on shorts and bare legs however cold it is. Can anyone tell me if the school has the right to do this ? Can it be considered abuse when the temperatures are sub zero ? Should I respond by withdrawing my son from competing for the school ? Also, do I have the right to insist he doesnt take part in sports lessons ?
YOu have the right to do all those things. I’d contact the local paper…get some publicity. And get other parents to sign a petition and bring it to the principal and the head of the sports program.
Hi Nina – On re-reading through my post of 29.1.14, I realize I didn’t actually address the question most asked by dancing Moms and that is ‘at what age should my dancing boy start to wear a dance belt?’ Of course there is no definitive answer to this question as boys develop and mature at different ages depending largely on the onset of puberty, but I would suggest around about the age of 12 is probably appropriate. It is certainly better to start wearing a dance belt sooner rather than later, as even if it’s sooner than strictly necessary, it allows a boy to become accustomed to the sensation of wearing one. There is a body of thought that suggests a boy should start with a full back version, but I think it is just as well to go straight to the thong dance belt as he will have to wear this eventually anyway.
Some boys find the thong issue and the strict tightness of the dance belt take a while to get used to, but get used to it they must, and their Moms should encourage them in this regard – a dance belt is after all essential if a boy is going to progress in his dancing career. I think I was 13 when I first wore one, but I had prior to that experimented with various other undergarments, as I think I mentioned in my previous post, speedos, jock straps and even my sister’s thongs and support pants.
Buying one’s first dance belt can be a daunting prospect for some boys and their Moms, so I thought it might be useful to detail some tips to help the process.
BRAND: I would certainly recommend buying one of the more established, better known makes like Capezio, Bloch or Wear Moi, rather than some of the lesser known brands which may be cheaper, but are not so well made and don’t perform so well. I have worn all the makes I mentioned above and they all give perfect support and perform well.
COLOUR: Dance belts usually come in just two colours, black and nude (and occasionally white). While it is probably acceptable to wear a black dance belt under black tights, there is no doubt that nude is the preferred option as it can be worn under any colour of tights without being visible – even a white dance belt tends to show when worn under white tights. An exception here may be the boy with very dark skin who may be better off wearing a black dance belt or having to dye a nude one a few shades darker.
BROAD OR NARROW WAISTBAND; Dance belts usually come with a fairly broad waistband or sometimes a narrow one. There is an argument that the dance belt with the broader waistband gives more support, though I’m not convinced of this. I tend to wear one with a narrow waistband for rehearsal and one with a broad waistband for performance – but this really is just personal preference.
PADDED OR UNPADDED; I would always recommend a dance belt with a padded front. The reason being that it disguises the anatomical shapes and smooths over the complete package and presents a good looking bulge in the front of the tights. An added advantage of the padded dance belt is that it does offer some protection in the event of an errant leg or knee of a dance partner coming into contact with that most sensitive region! An unpadded dance belt does none of this, but may still be ok support wise. I did use an unpadded dance belt at one stage and found myself having to add padding in the form of cotton wool to improve the appearance, then not knowing quite where to stop found myself adding extra padding to make my bulge look bigger, thinking that would impress the girls in my class – much better just to wear a padded dance belt in the first place!
SIZE: This is critical – the dance belt must be tight or else it will not do it’s job, so a young boy dancer will most likely be choosing small or medium.
A lot is talked about how to wear a dance belt, but really it’s pretty self evident. It must be pulled up tight and the ‘contents’ lifted up an positioned with the testicles out front, out of harms way, unable to get caught between the legs, and the rest pointing straight up. It is crucial that everything is properly positioned as once it is on, nothing should be able to move, held tight by the dance belt, and obviously it would be quite inappropriate to attempt to make any adjustment later on.
It can take some time for a boy to get used to wearing a dance belt, but gradually he will, then wonder how he ever managed without one. I personally got used to wearing one fairly quickly (I had already worn thongs, so I’m sure that helped) and now of course the thought of dancing without one is unthinkable. I do sometimes wear one when I’m not dancing, usually when I’m out at night – I find a dance belt ideal for wearing under tight jeans.
I do hope this post is helpful to some dancing Moms, and it would be interesting to hear their comments if this is the case.
Duncan, I’d like to turn this comment into a post. Can you send it to me as a Word doc with a link to the old post and your head shot and bio, please?
Hello Nina – thank you so much for your email, it was good to hear from you. I really don’t want to go down the route of a blog as I mentioned the last time, and would prefer if you could just post my comments as just that – comments. Hope this is ok with you.
Kind rgds
Duncan
We are in the process of getting our 13-year-old son all the correct dancing gear. Part of his biggest fear is the self-consciousness over such a public display (bulge) of his genitals. He said he would probably get used to it but is worried about what happens when he gets an erection, which he expects he will get as he is going full throttle through puberty now. What to do?? He asks – since unlike having a long baggy shirt or books to cover it in school, it is there on display, and certainly will be seen to get… bigger, or longer, no? I tried to tell him that it probably happens all the time and either it is hard to tell when it is erect or not, or if it is noticeable there is an unspoken rule that other dancers aren’t supposed to look at it or comment. But how much of this is true? Are there any incidents or anecdotes one way or the other?
Thanks Nina! For those of you who are wondering “when and how” I think we all know our kiddos and what will work for them. My son was 7 when he started real ballet training and I knew him well enough to know that if he was aware there was a “no thong” option, he would never graduate into a thong which might hold him back. I started with a thong from Boys Dance Too and got him used to it before it was required. We talked a lot about how it is one more way to show he takes his training seriously (because he is such a perfectionist) . Once he was comfortable I got him a few full seat (non thong) db’s to give him a break. He is totally comfortable now, we are pretty open on our house. Now we just have to teach him how to do his own laundry, because boys and thongs get a little icky.
Jamie,
I asked about this in my Facebook group (same name as this blog), and I received these 4 responses to your question. Hope they help!
1. I asked both my husband (who has taken some ballet classes during college and when in his 40’s and 50’s) and my son who is a trainee in a company (and began to wear a dance belt as a teen). My husband said he didn’t think an erection could happen in a dance belt “because there is no room”. My son said: “The bulge is something that guys just get used to. As far as getting an erection while wearing a dance belt, the very fact that a guy is in a dance belt will make an erection less or not even at all noticeable. At first a male dancer may feel like it is very noticeable, but it won’t be to others looking at him. Proper size and fit of the dance belt is important and knowing the right way to wear it, as well as perhaps choosing ones that are thicker and with more padding – all these things will help minimize what is noticed.”
2. My advice is padded dance belt. No flimsy M Stevens dance belt. My guys like the Capezio 5936.
3. Mine is 15 and padded belts are the best. Plus a little adjusting always helps.
4. Just wear a normal thing dance belt from the beginning because at thirteen it’s better to just start with that. Capezio dance belts are the best. You almost never get an erection during exercise, and if you were to it’s not really noticeable since you put your junk in straight up in the belt. Since exercise uses a lot of blood one probably wouldn’t even get an erection, if so it wouldn’t last long most likely. And everyone is so focused on dancing only immature people would ever look anyways. No one looks, really.
Hi Nina – It was interesting and I though very enlightening to see the subject of erections being raised recently. This is an issue which affects every boy dancer to some degree or other and can be a significant problem for some, yet it tends to remain the “elephant in the room” in that it is seldom mentioned or discussed.
It has certainly been an issue for me since I started wearing dance belts at the age of 13, having previously worn dance pants or jock straps. The first dance belts I wore were excellent in that they gave great support and held everything tightly in place, however they were made with very flimsy material, so if I had an erection, which I have to say was extremely regularly, it was very visible for all to see, with literally ” no place to hide”. Even when not fully erect it tended to show clearly through the dance belt and tights which I did find somewhat embarassing, particularly when surrounded by a class full of girls, some of whom would not hesitate in jokingly mentioning it to me!
I progressed thereafter to dance belts with fully padded fronts which were a much better choice – I think Capezio is probably the best in this regard. The padded front creates a neat looking bulge in the front of the tights and an erection just causes a bigger bulge rather than a display of anatomical detail! There is something inherent I think in wearing a dance belt – the thong effect and the tightness of the garment that tends to cause erections which is unfortunate but I think unavoidable.
There was a spell when I was the only boy in my class and some of the girls would tease me a bit. During warm up for our class they would slide their lycra clad bodies past me and their trailing hand would surreptitiously linger on the front of my tights. They would then stand back and watch amusedly to see the effect and if the bulge grew bigger which it inevitably did.
A few points I would pass on to any boy dancer –
1. When choosing your dance belt, make sure there will be sufficient room to accommodate a full erection, otherwise there will be extreme discomfort.
2. Putting on the dance belt properly is vitally important. Everything should be lifted up and positioned pointing straight up, so that if an erection does occur, it will develop in that same preferred direction.
3. It can be uncomfortable when an erection occurs in the tight confines of a dance belt, and of course there is no control over when or indeed if it happens. However it is certainly preferable for it to occur prior to a class or performance ie during warm-up as any adjustment can then be made to make things more comfortable. It is then perfectly possible to do a class or performance fully erect and in complete comfort without anyone being aware.
Nina, I hope you think these comments will be of interest and may be helpful to boy dancers as they progress their dancing careers.
Hello Nina – do you think my recent comments will be helpful to new boy dancers and also perhaps their Moms?
This is our issue lately. I am so happy to find your website!!! We are just getting in to the dance belt issue. I never knew this stuff. Thank you so much!
My son wants to start ballet now so I’m working on what he should be wearing. I’m not sure how the teacher wants things yet. I know he’s going to need tights and ballet slippers. He just turned 8.
Being new to ballet I’m not sure if my son will need a very tight thong or this dance belt? I’m not sure if one would fit my son.
How important it is to wear a dance belt before puberty I now
My son is 9 and has until the change of the studios no dancebelt worn
the new studio he has a very good experience with his ballet dress
When we got the baletwear from studio we wearmoi Ivan gröse 8/10 and 10/12 and ballet tights and we should try the sizes at home
The problems are true with the leotard IVAN it a short sleeve V-neck cotton leotard features a built-in fully padded dance belt with thong back.
As he put it after the showers there How important it is to wear a dance belt before puberty I nowwas a huge theater … …
with much effort I could persuade to find the right size
the girdle line must be about hip-sitting it may not be too long …
we had also received an instruction.
It true for him everything very new no nothing under the leotart …the thong …. the but free and the front the correct position
I met with him the deal it can dress up at home before going to the ballet.
He is not really enthusiastic after two months
Brita,
It’s less about age and more about correct attire and being less conscientious as they get older. He will eventually have to wear it. So, the sooner he gets used to it, the better.
Dance belt for sure.
Yes…but initally he can wear girl’s leggings and some black ballet shoes.
Ok thank you for the advice on the subject. I do already have leggings and a leotard for him plus the dance shoes. I also got him the dance belt to wear too.
I’m not sure if you can. But you can send an email to me too. Sallyhenders@yahoo.com
Yes I agree with you Nina
But I still have to make sure that it is correct
I am a young ballet dancer but a little nervous as been doing ballet and Dance for the past year and now we have the nutcracker, in the classes I have been wearing ballet shoes and track suit which seemed to be fine. But now to is getting more serious I have to wear professional dance wear same stuff we wear in training I will wear in the performance… what underwear wear should I wear (they made that part clean that we need special dance underwear)what should I wear from head to toe, thank you pls reply I need help
Tom
I’m so sorry I didn’t respond, Tom. You’ve long ago gotten an answer, I’m sure. The main thing you needed was a dance belt, and I’ve written about that here several times.
My boy has been in ballet now for one year and is doing great.. I’m happy I found this sight and got some advice.. thank you Nina
So sorry I only just come across this site. i would have left a reply for Tom if I had seen it earlier but maybe I can help other boys who may be wondering about underwear. My parents bought me dance briefs and a dancebelt initially, giving me the chance to try both options. At first both seemed incredibly un-natural. I found myself wondering if I could get through a whole dance class. But of course I dd. And having tried both options it was clear that I could jump higher, move faster, extend better and actually move more smoothly in the dancebelt. So functionally a dancebelt works better as well as not showing lines on your butt. Yes, wearing a thong does seem strange but my advice to all boys is do it sooner rather than later. You will have to when you are a pro. Good luck.
Tom, this blog has a variety of posts about undergarments–dance belts. Just search the site. There is even a post that includes info on how to arrange your anatomy in a dance belt!
My son wears both the Wear Moi and the Intermezio thong bottom dance belts under his leotard and tights for ballet class. He had no problem at all getting used to the thong. He actually prefers to wear his dance belts as regular underwear. To prevent stains on the thong, I have him wear a small butt plug made of silicon rubber under his dance belt. This way the thong fits against the plug and not his bottom. His dance belts always stay nice and clean..
I wanted to ask you for advice.
I’m using my stepmother’s account. My name is David and I am almost 11 years old. I read a lot of information about the dance belt and wanted to ask something because I have such a small problem that since I started wearing a thong-style dance belt, I get stuck between my buttocks, and I don’t know why, I get these hard stuff from front. My stepmother bought me a thin belt and I have the impression that I can see everything there and that everyone is looking at me. And my bottom feels like she’s completely naked. I am very ashamed because when I have that hard down there in front it is even more visible. Additionally, yesterday I had a “problem” and that’s why I wanted to ask the guy.
during training, I felt that it was hard again and when the girl leaned her bottom against me and pressed it down in the dance, I felt a silly feeling a little breathless and then I think I leaked a few drops of piss. I was very ashamed, because you could see a small spot in the front in the place ….. oh this.
Please help me and tell me how can I stop this pee so it doesn’t happen again next time ??? !!!!! ?????
David
My stepmother set up an email for me. Can you write back to me there?
alicemagic1970@protonmail.com
I took ballet at 12 until 16 but only really for practice i had no ambition to move up through the levels,lady teacher and another boy in class with me a little younger by two years and 8 girls relaxed atmosphere but the dress code was standard white T-shirt black tights and either black or white slippers, this was a weekly class held in The UK and i was very settled in the class, when i entered my fourth decade i decided to go back to class no particular reason just wanted to. I booked for weekly lessons at a nearby school again a lady teacher/owner i was also extremely lucky to find a dance shop run by a lady who had two teenage children taking ballet a boy and girl she was absolutely superb with clothing advice and attire and as mentioned before i purchased no end of clothing from Wearmoi. As my lessons were private the dress code was effectively wear what you want. Tights were an option and yes i had several pairs but for me it was a full footed Brazo with a higher neckline,leg warmers and either a cardigan or sweatshirt. Dance belts have been mentioned before not a problem with them,throng back padded and point North. Erections not an issue with me in class although i have been told that some males might use a condom on their penis in case of any reaction or accidents. For myself the lessons were steps and movement however it’s the change over period where you are effectively exposed to anyone who is in the class/school area this is where you can often stop and chat to other pupils or parents and as i say in a relaxed atmosphere you become oblivious to how you are dressed and may look. As i have said my ballet wear came in the non standard black and white the dancewear shop owner ordered up numourous items of clothing in many different colours and i was not afraid to wear any colour my main full unitard was pink and slippers with cream leg warmers and top. People mention The Bulge believe me once you have been seen your package becomes irrelevant in fact what can be more exposure is when you stretch out on the barre, your backside doesn’t leave much to the imagination ! This is no way a sexual or fantasy situation it’s about ballet and dance nobody is going to shout out at you as everyone else is in the same boat effectively. Just go out and enjoy.
What a totally ridiculous self-indulging, useless post. I danced for 20 years professionally, with many male partners, some of whom I knew all the way from ballet school. Never ever mastering a belt was a problem for any of the male dancers I know. Nor did they have to be taught how to put it on.
This post is….more than weired as are some of the comments.
Yack!